first paycheck, many thinkings
It's been a very lazy day and I've enjoyed it. Got my state tax return and my first paycheck from my new job, only half as large as it should be just because I started in the middle of the pay period. Not complaining, any income is appreciated right now. Though I will complain that my federal tax return hasn't come in yet, and it would be very nice to have after dumping all my money into bills as soon as I got it.
I did treat myself to a celebratory sandwich at my favorite local sandwich place, even wore a different, more feminine, outfit just cause I felt like it. Was a bit nervous, but seeing as I literally was in there for less than 5 minutes it was fine, though I def think I need more cute skirts, cause I have very few of them and they're very boring. Need something cute and bright and floral, that's much more my style!
Then I had a very nice nap and I've been relaxing since! I made myself some soup and a grilled cheese with a touch of sriracha in it, very nice and I'm quite content at the moment.
Think my money situation will be just fine once I get a proper paycheck, it's certainly less than before, but it doesn't seem like so much less that I need to stress about it. As long as I can save some money, pay my bills, and have enough left to occasionally spoil myself and my partner, I'll be happy.
My real goals for now are basically three things; Fix my car (Expensive but manageable), Get health insurance (Hopefully this isn't too expensive, my research makes it seem like it'll be fine), and start HRT. There are some other goals like the aforementioned skirts and other wardrobe update, I wanna get out and moving more, slim up a bit and get in better shape (I'm very lucky to love my body as much as I do, just need to take better care of it and not live on the couch so much), meet people and make some new friends (though I have been talking to more people online recently, but people I could meet face to (hopefully masked) face would be nice). Those goals are still there but they're kinda in the background. Stuff I wanna do, but aren't the kinda stuff that's I don't have to rush. I dunno, despite everything that's happened this year, I've been feeling motivated and excited, especially regarding the idea of starting HRT.
The desire to start HRT is so weird to me, because I've traditionally been the kinda person who hasn't wanted to rock the boat. I always think a tattoo would be neat but I think about how much I might regret it if my tastes or interests change. I'm the kinda person who takes forever to put a sticker on something cause I don't want it to go to waste. But for some reason regarding my gender I've been very welcome to change. I wonder if I'm just realizing that I've been 'settling' for a while. Just accepting good enough instead of seeking more and finding what makes me happy. I guess this is the year where I say I want more, I deserve more. I don't really know what catalyzed this, maybe the new job, maybe being cooped up with that awful winter storm, maybe something shelved away in the back of my mind.
Whatever it is, I'm excited to see what it will bring. I'm gonna try and meet new people, turn some of the dials on my gender, be wonderful and social and beautiful, and be kinda as I always have, though from now on I won't be allowing kind to mean meek. No more being a doormat, no more worrying about the worst case scenario. I've already taken great strides towards bettering myself, and I'm gonna keep up the pace.
Excited to see what the future brings, and no matter what I'll keep doing my best <3