need to be more aggressively me
nsfw, venty, fuck it post warning
Kinda in a fuck it mood cause honestly I'm kinda tired of being kicked around and being a docile little creature. Wish I wasn't stuck inside cause of the snow cause I wanna go out and live and be myself, try and stir up some trouble. I wanna have more fun when things warm up. I wanna dress cute, talk to people, make some friends and get close to people. Still gonna be safe, wear my mask, keep clear of crowds, cause being safe and taking care of myself is still me. But I wanna get out, try and talk more instead of waiting to be spoken too. I need to be ok making people a tiny bit uncomfortable. I know I won't have bad intentions, and I need to take some more risks with talking to people. I never speak up and I need to.
And you know what I might wanna try and have fun and be a little intimate with people. I'm a super cute queer who constantly craves giving oral, and I need to stop waiting for someone to come to me and try and fulfill my desires. I need to go out, find some cute people with good vibes, and see if they wouldn't mind getting off with my face between their legs! Will it be out of my comfort zone? Yeah, I've spent so long being a doormat that doing anything else is hard. But dammit I'm tired of it. Other than being so rural, the only thing keeping me from going out and being cute as hell is me!
And you know what, maybe things will go well. Maybe this job will pay fine, and I can go out and strut my stuff and be the beautiful person I am. When I used to go out to card shops all the time everyone knew me! I'm great, I love talking to people, and I'm not too bad to look at! I need to get back to that and double down. I gotta talk, compliment people, speak my mind. The worst that can happen, won't even happen! I always worry about the worst case, but the worst case hasn't shown up! I gotta start thinking of the best case scenario! Who cares of someone might not like me, what if instead we talk and a half hour later their thighs are wrapped around my head and we have a great time! That is just as likely as them hating me and assaulting me, but all I worry about is the bad outcome!
So fuck it, I'm gonna try harder, maybe I'll accidentally be rude, maybe someone won't like my vibe, but I gotta stop putting all my worth into what some stranger might think of me! I don't like plenty of people! I've had a bajillion people be rude and inconsiderate and not give a damn what I think! But I'll be kind dammit. I'm gonna pump my ego back up and I'm bringing people with me! And if they don't want on the ride then fuck em! And you know what, if it kills me at least I'll go out being myself. But it won't, I'm the god damn best and I don't give a damn.